I didn't know it at the time. I didn't know the extreme honor that I had just been given. To me it was just a little piece of plastic that I stared at with trembling hands. Gene and I had talked over the past three years about whether to have more children. He said he was pretty much 99.9% sure he was happy with our family of five. I was not so sure I was ready to be done having babies. I still dreamed of a sister for Kinsley, or at least another baby (boy or girl) to hold and love. I practiced the girl name over and over in my mind. The name that we didn't use for Finn, since he was a boy. I was still certain God was telling me that we'd one day have a Baby Girl ______ added to our family. I could almost put a face to the name in my mind.
On June 14th, 2014 as I stared at the positive pregnancy test in my hands, I began crying over this unplanned news. How would Gene respond? What in the world...how did this happen? Am I ready to do this again? Can I homeschool two kids, discipline a toddler, and care for an infant all at the same time? Lord, this better be a girl! Kins wants a sister.
The next day was Father's Day. Perfect timing for sharing this news with Gene. I couldn't hide my look of shock, though, from the one who knows me best. I called him up to the bedroom and, with hands still shaking, I shoved the test into his face. I think I muttered something like, "Happy Father's Day", as I shook and started crying. His reply was just as I should have known it would be. "Great! I guess God answered our prayers as to whether or not to have a 4th child!" he said with a big grin.
From that moment, we became a family of 6. The life inside of me was real. It was planned by God. It was loved. It was a little life that God had given me the extreme honor to be a mother to. Even as a little peanut inside of me, I was still his mother. Little did I know the journey that God began in my life that day.