Today was a double dose of reality...the 6th anniversary of my brother's death and National Sanctity of Human Life Sunday. This was the first year that the anniversary fell on a Sunday, a reminder of the Sunday that Aaron passed away. My parents were in MD visiting us for Callan's baby dedication that Sunday. Six years later, I'm faced with remembering that Sunday as well as the human life that was taken from me too soon. Church was a hard one today.
I've been wanting to post my words that I spoke at Chayton's funeral for awhile now. Today seemed like a fitting day. I hope my words bring comfort to others' souls.
On January 18, 2009, we met my parents in a McDonald’s parking lot as we processed the news that my brother had passed away in a car accident just hours earlier. As I hugged my dad, I remember saying to him, “Dad, if we would know all that God knows, and see the past, present and future like God sees it, we would have wanted God to take Aaron’s life just as He did.” That’s the truth that we preached to ourselves that week of Aaron’s funeral.
This past week, I’ve found out first hand that it was easier to preach that truth to others than apply it to myself. It’s hard to tell myself that Chayton is better off in heaven than in my arms. Each morning I’ve woken up to a quiet house instead of a crying baby that needs fed. But as my friend, Gretchen, read earlier, “the good news about my trials is that God is forcing them to bow to His gospel purposes and do good unto me by improving my character and making me more conformed to the image of Christ.”Gene and I can have hope in the midst of this trial because we know that God is working for our good and His glory. In Matthew 26, Jesus is praying to His Father and asks, “My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass from me; nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.” But, it was not God’s will to stop Jesus’ crucifixion. He could have. He could have sent thousands of angels down to save Jesus. But His plan was much bigger than that. His plan was to save us instead so we can spend eternity with Him.In the same way, He could have sent angels to save Chayton. He could have had Chayton’s story end differently. But instead, this is Chayton’s story. And we pray his story brings others to know Jesus.Our family would like to end our time today by singing a song that the kids love singing often at home. “This is the Day” reminds all of us to view each day as a gift that God has given to us. Please feel free to join in with us.
2 comments:
Renee,
I've been reading your blog for a few years now. It's been nice keeping up with your family.
I wanted to let you know your words today touched my heart in many ways. I lost our first baby after a 12 weeks of pregnancy. Now we have 3 boys. Our middle son was born with a rare genetic condition that my husband and I didn't know we were carriers for. He takes daily medications to give his body the hormones he needs for survival that it doesn't produce on it's own.
We had two boys and we wanted to try again for a girl. We knew going into my third pregnancy there would be a high risk that this baby would also have the same condition, but we felt comfortable with our decision knowing no matter what our baby would be in God's hands. I am overjoyed to say our third son is a very healthy baby boy.
We made the decision that 3 children is enough for us. What I've never told anyone is that deep down I'm disappointed I will never have a baby girl. "A son is a son 'til he takes a wife, but a daughter's a daughter for the rest of you life." I heard that somewhere and I think about all of the things I will never get to do with my daughter. Most of the things I think about are silly, material things like shopping, teaching her how to cook, picking out a wedding dress...special times and things I remember doing with my mom. I often think that my first pregnancy was my little girl.
Then I read the part of your post about if we knew what God knows and I am reminded what difficult life my daughter may have had if she had lived. Managing the condition my middle son has is much easier for a boy than it would be for a girl. She would have had to endure much more then just simply taking daily medications. My husband and I both agree that if our first child (boy or girl) would have been born with this condition we probably would not have had any more children and I could not imagine our lives without our boys.
I'm not sure if you will read any of this, but I wanted you to know how much your simple words meant to me today. Thank you for reminding me of the blessings God has given me. I will continue to pray for healing for your family. Be encouraged and know that God is in control.
Mindy
Thank you, Mindy, for your honesty and your kind words. I'm glad that this blog could bring you some comfort. What hard decisions you've had to make! That's wonderful to hear that your third child did not have any health issues. God Bless!
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